There’s always something we want to change. But do we? What happens between that gap—the space between the moment we desire to change and the moment we begin it? And more importantly, sustain it? That’s the magic gap. There are so many reasons why we hesitate to start. It’s exhausting. It’s uncertain. Or maybe we’re just too busy. Whatever the case, we have to examine that magic gap more closely. How does change happen? What is the driving force that turns desire into decisive action?

In the world of beer and wine, brewers understand the importance of time. The fermenting process cannot be rushed. For instance, once the sugary wort is turned into beer by yeast, many brewers let it age in barrels. This process—called barrel-aging—transforms beer or wine in unique and nuanced ways. Change is like barrel-aging. It takes time. And the first step in understanding how change happens is recognizing and accepting that it doesn’t happen overnight. We might understand this intellectually, but have we truly accepted it? Would you say you’re patient in the process of change? Or are you always rushing for results? Only slow, constant change is lasting.

To understand how change happens, let’s explore the following:

a) Commitment

We often do know what needs to change, but change is hard. It demands a different kind of effort. It can feel uncertain, even scary. Sometimes we lack the tools, the time, or simply the will. But the real reason we haven’t started the journey is often a lack of commitment.

So how do we commit?

We begin by examining what lies ahead and building trust in ourselves—the kind of trust that says, “I’ll keep going even when it gets difficult.” Commitment starts when we shift our thinking from worry to action.

Sometimes we don’t commit simply because we don’t feel like it. And that’s normal. But true commitment means doing the work despite how we feel. It bridges the gap between desire and action and makes lessons feel useful instead of scary.

This creates a virtuous cycle: we begin asking better questions, and we look more intently for answers. We stop seeing setbacks as proof that we can’t, and start seeing them as evidence that we’re learning and moving forward.

To stay committed, we reach out to others. We learn how they’re doing it. We borrow their insight and strength. And most importantly, we reconnect with our shared humanity. We all struggle with difficult change—and that’s okay.

b) Patience

Like a fine wine aging in the dark, change happens slowly but decisively. It doesn’t follow a straight line, and feedback is rarely timely. More frustrating still, our actions often make sense only in hindsight. So how can we be patient?

Tapping into patience means surrendering our expectations. Even if we know where we want to go, we can’t control the path that gets us there. We need to let go of that urge. The sooner we accept this, the more resourceful and decisive we become.

And patience isn’t passive—it’s a deeply active form of trust. It’s what allows us to stay grounded in the present while moving toward a better future. Just as we can’t rush fermentation, we can’t rush change.

c) Having fun

Learning to enjoy the process of change might be one of the most underrated, yet essential skills of our time. In a culture built on urgency, “the ability to work under pressure” nonsense, being “results-oriented,” multitasking, and relentless outcomes, it’s no wonder change feels exhausting.

In The Practicing Mind, Thomas M. Sterner offers a refreshing alternative: “When, instead, your goal is to focus on the process and stay in the present, then there are no mistakes and no judging. You are just learning and doing. You are executing the activity, observing the outcome, and adjusting yourself and your practice energy to produce the desired result.”

This mindset invites you to loosen your grip—not by lowering your standards, but by staying present. Personal change doesn’t require perfection. Start small. Keep it simple. Set kind expectations. And celebrate small milestones.

But how can something difficult feel fun? You find the fun by shifting your expectations. Explore. Play. Let joy into the process, not just the outcome. The path to change becomes possible when we make it human.

So why does change happen? Because of commitment. And commitment is born from clarity and thoughtful personal coaching—the kind that replaces unreasonable expectations for a kinder, more fun process. How change happens is shaped by that shift: telling yourself a more honest, more patient, more empowering story. A story where you succeed slowly, one steady step at a time. Where you enjoy the process and you’re not measured by speed or spectacle, but by presence and persistence.

Forget the unrealistic goals. Ignore the (mostly imagined) judgment. You don’t have to go big or fast. Remember, rushing fermentation spoils the wine. And no world-class beer or vintage bottle is crafted overnight.

So take the barrel-aged approach to change. It’s slower. But it’s grounded, relentless, and far more likely to last.