We know that one of the most important keys to success in any relationship is trust. But what about trust in ourselves?

What is our relationship with trust when things get difficult—when self-doubt creeps in, when we face criticism, or when we need to make an important decision? In moments like these, we may begin second-guessing ourselves, feeling small, thin, or loose, like we may float away. Once we recognize where we stand with ourselves and begin to nurture our relationship with trust, we can start to develop inner trust not just as a fleeting feeling, but as a lifelong skill. 

We’ll begin by focusing on grounding, and aim to tap into inner resilience, find alignment, reclaim our vision, and, most importantly, reconnect with the trust that lives within.

1. What We Can and Cannot Control

We’re raised, taught, and measured by how well we control what we learn and how we behave. It’s no surprise we’re all eventually woken up by the realities of life. Trying to control everything is an illusion.

The first, and most important step in finding and developing trust in ourselves is recognizing what we can and cannot control. The power lies in being able to focus our energy on what we can control. Why fantasize otherwise? Sure, influence matters: persuasion, negotiation, story-telling—selling one’s ideas, but controlling outcomes still isn‘t necessarily up to us. The way forward isn’t by resisting, but accepting.

2. Practice Acceptance

Acceptance is the opposite of cherry-picking. It’s the understanding that life will bring highs and lows, joys and sorrows, courage and fear. Practicing acceptance doesn’t mean liking every moment—it’s about letting go of our obsession with outcomes, and focusing on the process. Acceptance is the gift of the process: allowing yourself to experience the present as it is, not as you want it to be.

To build inner trust, practice acceptance by gifting yourself the respect to live fully, regardless of outcomes. I’m not saying to be selfish. What I’m saying is: don’t be afraid of what you can’t control, and don’t let yourself be controlled by others either. Live your life fully: respecting yourself, respecting others, and being respected.

When difficulty strikes, notice and name what you’re feeling without trying to wish it away. For example: “I’m noticing I’m getting scared about x, y or z,” then ask: “What would I do if I trusted myself to handle this feeling?” The key is moving forward with the difficult emotion.

3. Speak the Truth

I believe most of our fears stem from our inability to see or recognize them. The moment we speak truthfully, they begin to loosen their grip on us.

But is it just me? Everyone is facing something scary, whether they admit it or not. When we’re honest with ourselves, we can begin to dismantle those fears. We lessen their control. Speak honestly about what you fear—but don’t feed it either. Recognizing it is enough.

We’re taught to conceal our weaknesses and hide our fears. After all, we need to land (or keep) that job by “appearing” flawless. But as we grow our ability to accept them, to learn from them, and to be honest, we paradoxically uncover hidden strength. Aren’t all our superheroes flawed in some way? Vulnerability isn’t a disease—it’s a superpower. And this truth is the beginning of trust.

What about the unknown and the potential risks?

We can never be sure of what may happen, but we can be truthful by being realistic about uncertainties in the road ahead. This can help us establish an honest relationship with ourselves. In the next steps, we’ll see how we can go about building inner trust.

4. Trust Yourself to Handle Whatever May Happen

We can’t foresee the future, but we can make peace with it. We can decide to trust that we’ll handle whatever may happen. But how? After all, isn’t uncertainty paralyzing? Where do we summon this trust from? These are difficult questions—but we need not make it more difficult. We begin by looking for the “bright spots.” We interrupt the negative cycle by acknowledging what is working (there’s always something). And we give our little “wins” the spotlight they deserve. Then we focus on taking baby steps.

The reason we can trust ourselves to handle whatever may happen is precisely because we don’t need to control it. We focus on the present. We prepare. And we look for the bright spots. We take it day by day. We’re willing to accept the less desirable outcomes just as we’re willing to celebrate the wins. We make peace with the future by letting our present breathe.

5. Strengthen Confidence through Competence

From those early school years, we were taught that we’d only be “ready” after we passed the test, graduated, and “became” someone. We bought the idea that confidence was a destination. But then we graduated and suddenly realized we were just beginning. And that’s the moment when (or any moment in life, for that matter) we get to rewrite the rules.

Another, more organic idea is that confidence grows through competence. Although we can certainly feel more confident in what we know, our real power lies in being confident in our ability to learn. Imagine that power: shifting confidence from outcome to process. Of course, we’ll feel more confident as we improve in skill, but deeper confidence comes from our willingness to show up, to put in the work, and to allow ourselves to keep growing—despite what we already know.

6. Consider the Balance between Arrogance and Humility

Newfound trust in ourselves and growing competence is an empowering feeling, so long as we don’t become arrogant. Overconfidence is always lurking, ready to catch us off guard.

Humility is such an underrated and underappreciated virtue, precisely because society often rewards the most outspoken, self-assured characters. But for every cocky individual and complacent company, there’s always a humbling event waiting to happen.

I believe we should always stay humble. It’s helpful to remember that there’s always someone out there doing better than us, and someone who is struggling more than we know. Humility invites gratitude, offers perspective, and grounds us in connection—with ourselves and with others. It’s the quiet strength behind a healthy and lasting relationship with who we are and who we’re becoming. 

Humility doesn’t just protect us from arrogance. It also helps us against our self-defeating tendencies. Staying humble means not blindly trusting everything we may think or feel. Inevitably, that critical inner voice shows up, whether we’re tired, overwhelmed, or simply human. Through mindfulness, humility helps us notice that voice without judgment or frustration, so we can respond with the same compassion we’d offer someone else in need.

7. Personal Declarations and Commitments

Another powerful way to build self-trust is through personal declarations. These are simple, intentional statements about the future you envision. A good declaration marks a clear before and after. It’s the beginning of a journey with a clear sense of what truly matters. But what makes them unique and powerful is what they signal: not just I’m ready, but I will get there.

After a declaration comes the commitment: What do I need to do to make this happen? And when will I see it through? Whatever the commitment, whether it’s exercising, eating well, honoring your word, or simply being present when it’s hard, it’s about shaping the habits that strengthen our inner trust: perseverance, persistence, and grit.

But commitment doesn’t arise from willpower alone. It’s fueled by purpose and shaped by our declarations. When we serve something greater than ourselves—a person, a principle, a vision—it becomes our anchor in moments of self-doubt. Purpose gives meaning to our declarations, and it is the act of committing that drives our inner trust to follow through.

We declare the path and we commit to walk it.

8. Reconnect with Purpose and Perspective

Finding trust in yourself when it’s difficult isn’t a single breakthrough. It’s an ongoing process where we remind ourselves what truly matters. In moments of doubt, zooming out and reconnecting with purpose can widen our perspective. Seeing the bigger picture and remembering what we care about helps ground us in moments of uncertainty.

9. Find Your Connection

Another often-overlooked—perhaps ignored or forgotten—companion in difficult moments is our spiritual anchor. In a world biased toward the scientific, we have come to take for granted the gifts that spirituality offers. Think about it: who tries to make sense of their cortisol levels in moments of distress?

Without dismissing the wonders of science and technology, we must recognize that spiritual connection remains paramount to our well-being and peace of mind. In modernity, we have substituted communion for therapy, replacing how we once sought meaning with more science.

While science may be able to explain the neurochemistry of grief, it can’t comfort you through a loved one’s death, sickness, pain, divorce, or bankruptcy. That solace comes from something deeper than logic. We’re trading away thousands of years of spiritual wisdom that has helped us cope through our most difficult moments, forgetting that that’s not what science is for.

Finding your connection is about remembering that you’re not alone. It’s about feeling and seeing yourself as part of something bigger—whether it be God, a superior being, family, nature, or the universe. Find that connection.

10. Practice, not Perfection

Self-trust is sustained through practice, not perfection. It’s not about demanding unwavering confidence from ourselves, but about cultivating peace with all our feelings through consistency and care. That peace isn’t passive or submissive—it’s the kind that allows us to feel any feeling without being bossed around by it.

Trust grows when we stop repressing what we feel and start practicing emotional acceptance. Whether it’s courage or fear, mastery or helplessness, trust grows when we learn to accept them all and are still able to move forward.

I’m thinking this may be a worthy declaration in and of itself: From now on, it’s okay to be scared, feel low, or endure pain. In practice, this means saying: “I’m anxious and I’m showing up” instead of “I shouldn’t (or don’t want to) be anxious.” The key is transforming resistance into partnership.

11. Create Your Personal Ritual

Creating your personal ritual is about crafting a simple routine where you can practice all the above. Below is a quick list inspired by this article, but feel free to make your own.

• Breathe mindfully—four counts in, six counts out.
• Stand tall, shoulders back.
• Focus on what you can control, and let go of what you can’t.
• Think of a specific time you handled something particularly difficult well.
• Remind yourself every morning: I can handle whatever may come.
• Name a few bright spots, however small.
• Say aloud: I can learn anything.
• Embrace humility throughout your day and stay grounded.
• Recall your purpose and who you serve.
• Make a personal declaration for the day.
• Think of someone you love or feel deeply connected to.
• Remind yourself to accept all emotions.
• And breathe again—four counts in, six counts out.

As we deepen our self-trust, we begin finding the confidence not just to make decisions but to improve the quality of them. We feel worthy of love, respect, acceptance, and understanding—both within ourselves and in our relationships with others. We begin to understand that self-trust isn’t without self-doubt: it’s paradoxically not having to trust yourself, just trusting you can handle the feelings of not knowing.

The gap between confidence and doubt is where virtue (our practice of acceptance, humility, competence, commitment) helps us show up despite the unknown. The whole purpose of finding trust when it’s difficult isn’t to feel invincible; it’s to see ourselves with compassion and as capable of handling whatever may come.