We’re drifting.

However, deep down we know we can steer back decisively toward a desired direction if we focus and try hard enough. Sometimes we wake up feeling empowered to make a difference, sometimes (we feel/are- you need a we and a verb here to maintain parallel structure) motivated by a sense of duty, and sometimes we find it hard to make sense of it all.

Very often, when we lose our sense of direction (apart from fatigue, sickness, and the like) instead of this parenthesis, can you put something like when we lose our sense of direction in life/in the grand scheme of things? it’s due to a shift in our focus, from our inner to the outer world. And of course that’s a spectrum. The demands of work, family, and the cost of living leave us exhausted (I don’t like how this distracts me form the rest of the paragraph). But today, perhaps more than ever, our attention is further compromised by the non-stop flood of all feeds. These feeds aren’t just divisive. They drain us from within, leaving us reactive and vulnerable to manipulation.

With our attention becoming fleeting, flimsy, and faltering, we’re not only slowly losing our sense of inner direction but ultimately harming our well-being.

All of a sudden, we’ve become small fish in a big pond. We scramble to prove our self-worth. And even when we’re not (not what?), we’re swiftly pulled back into the game. Here are three questions worth asking every day that can help guide us back to what truly matters:

1. Who am I trying to impress? 

From our early childhood to our adult life, we do (these dos bug me- can they be removed?) need to fit in one way or the other. But this important question seeks to remind us that while we need to work to attain certain outcomes in life, it’s no substitute for our own self-care.

Spending our lives overly performing for others is a lifetime wasted on the wrong people, and a fortune spent proving it. While it’s true that great achievements may impress others, it shouldn’t be what motivates us. Being fueled by outer validation not only becomes an obstacle to personal fulfillment, but a hindrance to our well-being.

We should care for others and add value in what we do, but not to impress. When we drop the need to impress, the curtains fall and we can finally see more clearly.

A little more than selfless and less than selfish.

2. Who am I trying to please?

In truth, we do need to please the hiring manager or, say, the girl or guy we want to date. But paradoxically, the more we want to please, the fewer results we see. Why? Because the more we focus on pleasing, the less confident we come across. Whether it be in dating, hiring, or negotiating, over-pleasing (even if good-willed) looks like desperation.

And yet, we’re all trying to please someone. The key lies in careful distinction between pleasing and over-pleasing. The solution to this gap so often points back to ourselves. If we do the work and take care of ourselves, then the right people will eventually be pleased with us.

But there’s a deeper, more nuanced layer beneath impressing and pleasing.

3. What am I afraid of? 

So if we don’t feel compelled to impress or overly please, then what can we be afraid of?

I remember when I was young, I fell and scraped my knees. But the problem wasn’t just the pain, it was feeling embarrassed. When my sons fall, oftentimes they scream too, partly because it hurts, and partly because it means they tripped. And if someone saw? Sometimes they cry harder, and sometimes they tough it out.

Maybe that’s where it all starts: our perception of our pain as it is viewed by others. And (can you make that a comma and a lower case and?) not wanting to be perceived as vulnerable.

Failure, embarrassment, rejection, inadequacy: all feelings that seem inescapable when we take risks. But what if we get scraped and there’s no one to witness it? The pain is still there but absent of shame.

Better yet, what if someone offers a helping hand?

We can’t control what others will do. But we can believe in compassion. We can be the ones who want to help, and trust that others will too. Still, failure hurts and loss is real, but the key is in our relationship with the witnessing. Through practice, self-compassion, and belief that every problem has a solution and every failure offers a lesson—we can lessen their grip on us and fortify our willingness to learn.

So in our world where social media feeds take command of our attention, and the news paint the fate of the world with doom and gloom, we become ever less present and ever more prone to impress, to please, and to fear. We forget that external events, prompts, and opinions shouldn’t define who we are or what we should do (aside from valuable feedback from people who care).

These three questions aim to bring us back to ourselves. Not to pretend we’re above others or that we don’t need external validation at all, but to stop it from being the driving force behind our lives. They remind us that the right people or situations will show up if we take care of ourselves, be it in a romantic relationship or in our careers. That our relationship with fear lessens to the degree that we become more compassionate toward ourselves and others, and our willingness to believe in solutions rather than problems. The catastrophic, dopamine-rich “news” we’re fed daily only exacerbates them. (what?)

We may get distracted in a world full of noise, but these questions can always steer us back, anchoring us to ourselves, focused on what we choose to pay attention to, to the people we love, and to the things we actually love to do. They bring us back to the present, empowered, and grateful to be here.